


Conversation Snippets

by Fox_the_Hermit



Series: Avenger Universe Unrelated Short Stories [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Humor, Noodle Incidents, Pranks, fifteen snippets of conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 23:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_the_Hermit/pseuds/Fox_the_Hermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Did you just put a dirty diaper in that car trunk and close it, Barton?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversation Snippets

“Care to explain why my bathtub is full of frogs?”

“No.”

"Why frogs?"

"Those were the only animals I could find on such short notice."

"What have I ever done for you?"

"They were for Barton."

"This is my bathtub."

"It was part of a complicated plan. He has a cat."

"No he doesn't."

"It's not his, he's just borrowing it. For the shower."

"I am not following."

 

* * *

 

“Quit asking how I got stuck up here and just catch me.”

“I thought you were a bird. Can’t you leap and fly?”

“Not funny, Coulson.”

"It is. Very funny. Why did you climb the tree?"

"I was trying to get a squirrel to give back one of my arrow heads."

"Did you succeed?"

"I can't climb any further."

"And you are supposed to be a SHIELD agent."

* * *

 

“I swear this isn’t blood, it’s cherries.”

“You like cherries? I never knew that, Barton.”

“They make Coulson sneeze.”

"What?"

"They do. I was just squashing them and adding them to his ketchup bottle. He'll have a surprise next time he opens it."

"That's sacrilage."

"That's a prank."

 

* * *

 

“I don’t know who put the cat in my shower, but I’m unamused. And I have a good guess as to the identity of the perpetrator.”

“It was Romanov.”

“No, it wasn’t, as I caught her with the frogs two minutes before that.”

“Aliens?”

"Be serious."

"I'm not Serious Black, sir. I'm Barton. Is your head alright?"

 

* * *

 

“Seriously! I just put that pie out, who took it?”

“Not me.”

“It was Barton.”

“Damn it, Romanov!”

"What? He asked. I answered."

"We are supposed to be partners in crime!"

"I thought we were secret, good, agents."

"Partners in pranks then."

 

* * *

 

“Is that a ring box in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?”

“I am on an assignment with Romanov, Barton. We are supposed to impersonate a married couple. You are back up.”

 

* * *

 

“Keep your flea riddled bird out of my hair or else.”

“It’s not my fault you didn’t check for pigeons before shutting us in this garbage can!”

“Shhh, Barton. We are still being pursued.”

“Yeah, yeah Romanov. Blimey, This stinks to high heaven. Thank God I was a carnie, I’d throw up from the smell otherwise.”

“Exactly. They wouldn’t think we’d dare hide here.”

"Hey... Is that someone retching outside?"

"I think so... Huh. Thought they'd be less picky."

 

* * *

 

“Did you just put a dirty diaper in that car trunk and close it, Barton?”

“Ummm… No, boss?”

 

* * *

 

“Is the lipstick on my cheek really necessary?”

“Yes, Coulson. We are supposed to impersonate a couple, aren’t we?”

“This is a little over the top Romanov. And isn't this the paralytic one?”

“That’s why I am not kissing you on the lips. Now shut up and watch the Italian.”

 

* * *

  

“Whatever he’s saying, he’s lying!”

“And you are not a snarky former carnie?”

"Yes. I mean no. I mean... I am a snarky former carnie. Alright, he wasn't lying right now."

"That wasn't what he said."

* * *

 

“I play a mean air guitar if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, actually. Thanks for the blackmail material, Barton.”

“That was so unfair, Romanov.”

“All’s fair in a prank war.”

"We had one going?"

"We have one going now."

"That is so unfair."

 

* * *

 

“How about we put on some pants and figure this out?”

“That sounds _so wrong_ , Barton. Like someone just came in on us in a bedroom. And that someone was one of our spouses. Which we don't have. And our relationship is strictly platonic.”

“And we don't have any pants, anyway. I think that we three will have to bust out of here in our underwear, agents.”

“Must be Thursday, boss.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry but swimming in the fountain isn’t allowed.”

“Did Fury forbid it? Is it actually a rule, Coulson?”

“No, as it’s assumed that people have enough brains not to do it, Barton.”

“Well, let’s get it to become a rule!”

“Barton, what are you… Get back!”

"It's not forbidden! I can do what I want! I have Freedom! This is AMERICA!!!!"

 

* * *

 

“Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”

“Can you stop getting shot?”

“It’s not my fault they can aim!”

“Well, as I have to keep bandaging you, I get to do whatever I damn please with the freckles on your back.”

“That’s harsh, Romanov.”

 

* * *

 

“Are you seriously stealing flowers off that grave?”

“We need them more than that guy.”

“Girl."

"Whatever, I don't read tombstones."

"You should."

"No, you really shouldn't. What if it had your name on it? Remember 'The Angels Take Manhattan'?"

"What... Oh right. Yeah. Good point."

 


End file.
